Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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