so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
