I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
