girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
