Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
