I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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