If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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