I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
