Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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