I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
