I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So much rum. So many feels.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
