dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize