just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
