these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
