You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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