You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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