please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
