woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
