Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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