Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This baby is an asshole
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
