Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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