it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
