Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize