Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
