i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
