Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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