is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
