Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
