That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
