also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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