Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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