I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
