I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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