70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
