I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
