I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
