just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
as a side note pls kill me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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