My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
