are you so shy because you have an std?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
