About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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