so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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