8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
