She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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