There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
