i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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