I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
