I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
