alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
