Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
