Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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