No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
