1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
