so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
