when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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