I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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