I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
