So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
