That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
