I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
