She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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