I molested 6 butterflies tonight
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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