i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't deserve a penis
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
