My brain says no but my pants say off.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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