I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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