Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize