I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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